The Greatest Negotiator in the World!
In the past fifteen years I have negotiated with vendors and clients almost daily. During that time I have negotiated with some of the best and brightest. Yes, I have won my fair share but clearly I have come up on the short end of the stick more than a handful of times.
Recently, I have been negotiating with someone on pretty much a daily basis. Although he is very small in stature, he packs a big punch and clearly uses negotiating tactics that I usually don’t run up against with clients and vendors. At 34 pounds and 38 inches tall he is clearly small but trust me: He is every bit as powerful as a 200 pound football player.
The process usually starts around 8:00. Most of you know that I tend to come in to work early. But I am talking about 8:00 PM not AM. Since it’s dark outside, he has been up for 13 hours. He is tired, and as crazy as it seems—it is BEDTIME!
However, bedtime can’t happen until the negotiation process begins…
- The first thing is, he wants to pick out the book that I read to him at bedtime. (I am okay with this one but I hope the book has lots of pictures.)
- He usually wants something to eat because eating can really prolong the process…which is very bad. So I stand firm. No food.
- He wants something to drink—again because he thinks getting a drink prolongs the inevitable. Again, I always say no.
- He always wants his special blanket and binky. I am ok with that and give in—as this makes the ordeal smoother and faster.
- He wants to sleep on the floor instead of his comfortable bed, and I am okay with this for a few reasons:
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- He wants to watch one more minute of TV. I am not okay with this, because one more minute means 2 hours to my opponent.
I mentioned earlier he uses negotiating tactics and unfair practices during this process. I can say that up to this point of my career that most of my clients and vendors don’t:
- Cry
- Take off their clothes
- Toss their diaper at me
- Say they don’t like me anymore and they aren’t my friend
- Cry
Ok I am sure some people over the years would say that they don’t like me anymore. As for the other things I mentioned…NO!
To me the Greatest Negotiator in the World is my 3 year old Riley Doyle who wins most of the time! The good news is that this happens often so there is time for me to sharpen my skills and get better.
I look forward to hearing your thoughts on other negotiating stories…….
October 4th, 2006 at 9:31 am
As the father of six sons and grandfather of seven grandsons (not a girl in the bunch), I have a great deal of experience with these types of negotiators. However, I can assure you that the negotiator you are dealing with now will be nothing like the one you will encounter when he becomes a teenager. I think there is a class parents don’t know about in junior high school called “The Negotiating Secrets of Attila the Hun.” They all take it, and they learn well.
But that is okay. My oldest son now is the father of three boys —- and I am proud to say they they are all just like their daddy. Payback is a bitch — and I enjoy it every time I see it.
October 4th, 2006 at 9:53 am
When my son was six years old he asked his first grade teacher if he could go to the principal’s office for a “meeting”. The teacher said, “sure Anthony - are you sure you want to go to the Principal?” Having no fear, Anthony proudly said yes, I have important business and proceeded to the Principal’s office.
He sat and waited until the Principal could “meet” with him. He sat in front of her and said, “I have a request, and before you say no, please let me assure you this is very important to me AND MY FAMILY!?!?! My dog Daisy is going to be 10 next week. She is very ill and my Mom says, she doesn’t have long for this world (did I really say that?). I would like to bring her into school for her birthday. She is very well trained and loves children.”
The principal sat speechless. She began to state the reasons why it would not be appropriate for him to bring in the aging dog.
Anthony said, “I was afraid you were going to say those things, what can I do to persuade you to change your mind?” You know, it could be the dying dog’s last wish to spend the entire day with his best friend?” Of course he went on and on…
She compromised by allowing him to bring in as many pictures of Daisy as he wanted. Poor kid didn’t win, but he sure tried.
October 5th, 2006 at 3:04 pm
Merrill,
My son Jacob, now 7, loved to stall because he knew that Daddy was a willing participant - much to Mom’s dismay. However, he stopped immediately when I started giving him tasks to do for me. For example, I would say Jacob, if you help Daddy put his socks away, or put my shoe tree’s into my loafers, I will sit with you for an extra few minutes at bedtime. Well, he loved it! Something cool to do in exchange for more Daddy time!
Worked like a charm.
Enjoy every minute!
Yours,
David
October 16th, 2006 at 11:27 am
Ju-Jitsu style negotiating has worked with my four kids. I’ve tried to anticipate what the kids want, and if I’d like the conclusion to come out differently, tell the little one they can’t do what I’ds like for them to do. They will act opposite my directions, but not my intent.
For instance, tell the little one not to eat the peas on the plate. They will gladly eat them to prove their own independance and they can do it.
This ju-jitsu style works until they begin to figure it out. It becomes more complicated but it does work with teens. (sometimes I get away with it with the wife).
Try it and good luck.
October 16th, 2006 at 11:39 am
Oh, after last night with my 7-year-old and her drama, this makes me feel better. These pint-sized negotiators are formidable because their tears are real, they can cut you to the quick with those “you hate me, I don’t even like you anymore, you never loved me comments” and they go for it because they seem to feel they have nothing to lose. Last night I went through an exhausting interchange with my daughter because she was not quite ready to leave her grandma’s house. I think I am still tired. Why is she tougher than me?!