Spence Bilkiss, Gene Filipi, Lance Hoffman, Drew Judge, Marisa Pope, Brad Solomon, Ted Watson and countless others have all witnessed OCD at its best, DINNER at my house with my wife, Angela Miller, as the hostess. I must admit, I am truly amazed each and every time we have dinner guests and the rituals that she has. Angela will prepare dinner, dessert (usually soufflés), all while she is vacuuming, doing dishes, washing under the feet of our guests, eating, while bathing the kids and everyone’s favorite — shaking out the rug.
She simply just can’t sit still; OCD in some form has taken over her life. Don’t get me wrong, living in the cleanest most organized house on the planet is fantastic. It is definitely better that the alternative. However, she takes it to a different level all together. Here is a list of the other "rituals" she has……
- Cleaning the kitchen floor as the family leaves for the day — let me explain, she is on her hands and knees with a Clorox wipe cleaning her way OUT THE DOOR!
- Stainless Steel Magic, this product is her life — when ANYONE opens the fridge, puts something into the trash can, she is right behind them with this wonder spray eliminating the finger prints
The refrigerator can NOT have an item missing (see picture). When a bottle of water is taken from its perfectly positioned location in its line-up it is immediately replaced with a fresh bottle from the reserve we have (approximately 3 cases on deck AT ALL TIMES) and rotated into the mix. All items in the fridge look like soldiers, all standing front facing in perfect order
- Paper towels, now this might just be a sign of craziness. If we do not have at least 15 rolls on standby, I am ordered to the wholesale club store to stock up. You never know when you will need 5,000 feet of paper towels.
- NOW MY FAVORITE — Shaking out of the kitchen rug. WOW, this is funny. You can ask anyone who has been to my house. Angela shakes that rug out so much that I have purchased 3 more to put in its place when it gets totally worn out. (each rug lasts about 30 days)
These are just a few examples of OCDs / Rituals that Angela has. I too have my "issues"; mine might be more superstitions or "good luck" habits. Here are a just a few………
- Walking under ladders, I don’t do it — bad luck, superstition
- I put cash into my wallet all facing the same direction in order of denomination, low in the front, high toward the back — I believe just an OCD
- I say "rabbit, rabbit" as the first words out of my mouth on the first day of each month – good luck for the month (if I forget and say something else first, I am pissed at myself) , superstition
- I never leave my keys on a table, if one does superstition says you will not have money – luck, superstition
- When pouring a liquid out of a bottle (wine bottle, soda bottle, water pitcher, etc.) never ever ever do I pour underhanded into my glass. Actually, if I am at a restaurant or out anywhere and someone pours into my glass and they start to pour underhanded, I stop them and have them pour over handed — bad luck, superstition
- I am a big proponent of coins that face up. For example:
- All of the change in my car’s change holder is heads-up. Guaranteed – definite OCD
- When I see a coin on the ground, if I choose to pick it up, it must be heads-up. If it’s not, I’ll flip it over first to make it head’s up — good luck and OCD all in one
- All of the change in my car’s change holder is heads-up. Guaranteed – definite OCD
- When watching the Red Sox in regular season at home, I always sit in the same seat, right in the middle of the couch. Now, when I watch them in the post season from home, always far left in the first spot. — superstition, thanks to my father
Now that I have shared some of our superstitions, OCDs and rituals — I would love to hear some of yours.
- Do you have any superstitions that I can add to my life,
- Any good luck rituals that can take over my daily routines?
I look forward to hearing your comments.
Thanks for reading!
Jason R. Miller
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Jason R. Miller, PRC (Vice President, Performance Plus – GroupNet Boston)
Jason has been with Performance Plus since September of 1992. Jason went to Framingham State College seeking a degree in English when he took a part time job as a telephone recruiter and like many others in Market Research fell into this field. Since taking that job, he has moved up the ranks from phone recruiter to interviewer to assistant front desk then off to an assistant project manager. Jason then worked as a Project Manager until 2000 when he moved into his current role.
Performance Plus has been a member of GroupNet for 15 years and Jason has been actively been involved with the network of 20 independent focus group facilities for the past 8 years. Currently sitting on the Board of Directors for GroupNet as a Director-at-large (the first non owner to do such) and is the Chairperson of Marketing Events.
Jason will be married 10 years this January to his "High-School Sweetheart" Angela Miller, who is featured in this article. They have two beautiful girls, Zoe 8 and Bella (Isabella) who is 6.
Paul Kirch says:
I have been waiting for this post for some time. It did not disappoint… I have witnessed the Angela Miller show and this post totally made me laugh since it brought back memories. Not only is Angela an amazing chef (on of the best soufflés I have ever enjoyed), but I have witnessed the cleaning spree. Jason and I were playing pool in their basement, when Angela calls him upstairs to pull the stove out so she could clean behind it. You could eat from that floor under the stove, but it was still crucial to get that cleaned anyway.
I share a couple of traits with Jason, such as flipping the coins and stacking my money in order (facing the same way). I still won’t open an umbrella inside and hate witnessing someone else do it. I used to have other superstitions and OCD actions which I used to live by, but feel I might have outgrown some of them. There was a time that I had to have every shirt in my closet in the same order, sorted by color and then style. I also have gotten relaxed about the money in my wallet. One thing I still do is if I have a negative thought or hear something I don’t want to experience, I knock on wood (Or whatever I can find). It it’s not wood, I either state or think “knock on _____” (plastic, glass, etc…). I guess we all have our issues.
Drew Judge says:
I have never been a fan of dinner theatre – as they say the dinner isn’t that good and well the theatre is often lacking. Dinner at the Miller’s is like a 5 star restaurant AND you get the benefit of a floor show — all that and the company of 2 charming kids! Angela’s an AMAZING cook and believe me, Jason’s no more of a bit player at home during a dinner party than he is at the office. Don’t let him fool you. That said, if you ever have the chance angle for an invite!!
Jason says:
Paul,
Oh MY – I completely forgot about that, the moving of the oven! this is my life! and I will say, I love it.
Drew,
Kinds words, I am touched!
A quick side note – Angela gave me her blessing with this post. She is the first to admit that she needs to seek help!
Stacey Weber says:
My darling husband was nice (or smart, I guess) enough to only discuss his own issues and not bring up any of mine (although, he did forget to mention his OCD about loading the dishwasher. . .I’m not as nice
). Actually, I like to think of myself as “O” only, I don’t believe I have the “C” component of the “disorder”. I don’t really do anything compulsively, but I am good at obsessing, or, as I prefer, “centering”. However, I would like to make the point, some things that just make sense good sense to one person- why would you do it any other way?- are, to others, obsessive. It’s all in the way you look at it!
I guess the main thing I do at home which falls under “OCD” has to do with light switches. All the light switches in the house have to be down if the lights are off. Having a switch in the up position when the rest are in the down position with all the lights are off, just looks bad and there’s no need for it! It’s just plain sloppy!
You would think this doesn’t really cause a problem- aren’t most switches wired as such?- however, if you have lights that can be turned on from various points in the house (upstairs and downstairs or on either side of a room, for example), this can create a problem. I will go back upstairs to turn off a light I could turn off downstairs just to keep the switches in the proper position. Of course, I also expect my husband to do the same, and, he’s pretty darn good a humoring me, even if he does drive me a bit nuts with the dishwasher.
Marion Heyn says:
I’ve met Jason several times, I imagine–I meet many of my husband’s colleagues many times before I am absolutely certain–I know that I have never met Angela, but I am honored to know such intimate details from them both. For me, Jason’s posting represents a current and very fresh definition of a successful marriage/committed relationship.
He puts the flesh on the old “bones,” for better for worse.
Having read his open portrait of live chez Miller, I would like to share what life with me is like, not to put myself in the spotlight, but to publicly honor and give thanks to my husband, Ed Sugar–I call him Edward. He has given me powerfully strong support, of late that is, as I battle my on-going battle with rheumatoid arthritis and fibromylgia, two exhausting and capricious chronic illnesses. I say “of late” because it was not always so, and as a result we had to renegotiate our relationship as we had to admit that “white elephant” into our life. Initially, it was a sore trial, but thankfully, he stood by me, learned what he could about my condition, and has found ways to accommodate me and them.
I may be perky and conversational one hour and the next I am exhausted and brain-dead AND bitchy. What’s the use in mincing words? Edward has often enough had his head chewed off by yours truly all because I find myself suddenly in pain and feeling as though I am slogging through cold molasses. That miserable condition has lasted for weeks at a time. On numerous occasions I have been too worn out to do much of anything, and Edward has picked up all the slack.
There have been times when we were close to blowing apart, but I am truly and eternally grateful that my SugarPlum has stuck by me. My life is so much richer for his being by my side. Thank you, Jason for giving me the opportunity for letting him know publicly how much I appreciate my sweet guy–notice, I am NOT obligated to put that in quotation marks!
Andrea Schrager says:
Jason, what a blast of a post. I can’t wait to come to your house for dinner and meet Angela. She sounds wonderful! I think Manny and I want to marry her. We are both OC about not being OC. Someone once asked me how I could have started Meadowlands Consumer Center, with all that starting a new business entails, while also raising two (wonderful
) children. How could I possibly get everything done?, they wondered. My answer was quite simple, “What needs to get done, gets done. What doesn’t get done, well, couldn’t have been that important…and besides, dust bunnies make really great house pets!” A very happy, healthy and peace-filled New Year to you and the family. Can’t wait to see your next dance recital.
Marisa Pope says:
I have to say, I laughed out loud when I read this post. Jason, Angela would kill you if she knew you’d sent a picture of the refrigerator with a bottle of water missing!
I too have rituals I enjoy at which others shake their heads. For instance, I start the holiday season the same way every year; Thanksgiving day I watch Scrooged (really, just to hear the ending monologue) as I unpack ornaments, and then I have to listen to “Christmas Wishes” as I decorate the tree. I’ve only foregone this routine twice in like 15 years – whenever I do, I struggle to capture the “holiday spirit”.
This year, I put up the tree, dragged the hundreds of ornaments in their individual boxes into the living room, settled in with Bill on the TV…and realized I was having new floors put in the following week. Can’t decorate a tree if it has to be moved can ya? Uh, duh! So there it sadly sits (still due to my crazy schedule) lit and brilliant, ornamentless, in my living room…while I rushed through this holiday season feeling a bit off-kilter.
I love rituals, and traditions, and I have a few superstitions as well – I believe if my left hand itches I will receive money – if my right itches, I’ll be giving it away. If a friend and I are walking and something comes between us (a pole, or a table or something) we BOTH have to say two things that go together (bread and butter, peanut butter and jelly) or we’ll get in a fight. And I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that if you leave your tree up after the new year, you’ll have a BAD year…so mine comes down on the 26th – in no particular order at all.
jason says:
Marisa
Thanks for the note. Just to clarify one thing – Angela took the picture, so this time I am safe!
Steve Gentile says:
Jason,
First, my hats off to both you and Angela for being so vulnerable. OCD is quite a thing to live with – directly or indirectly. I also have to say that I am waiting for the OCDs of the world to stop what they’re doing for just one moment and unite – calling it a “Disorder” it is anything but that.
After running facilities for almost 20 years and now as a moderator, I have to say that each moderator (self included here) has their own “schtick” which is no doubt some form of OCD – whether its wanting new pencils freshly sharpened with the points facing left at the top of a new 8 1/2×11 tablet skewed 15 degrees counter-clockwise or having individual cookie plates with the same cookies in the same positions at each respondent place around the table or even insisting that name tents be written in green on one side and red on the other – must I mention that some/many INSIST on writing “Welcome” on the easel pad as their last thing when the room is ready?
Honest, I’ve seen a lot in those years and since I’m only about a year into moderating, my only “peev” is that all pens be blue ink – oh, and capped. LOL I should be a riot after 20 years of moderating! By then, perhaps some pharma people I know will develop something to “help me” with my issues.
Steve Gentile says:
ps -
is there an issue with arranging your dollars the way you do? i’ve been doing that for years. oh boy, now you’ve go me thinking about the way i hang my toilet paper! ugh!
Amy Shields says:
Jason; you are the best. This article actually provided some insight as to how my family views me. Not sure if that’s good or bad! I can’t wait until NEXT holiday season when I join the new NYC to Boston ritual that is growing in numbers. I must see Angela in action because I’ve been hearing about it for years. (Angela – you’re a LEGEND!)
This turned out to be a bit of a learning experience for me; I truly didn’t think I had any OCD behaviors, so asked my family (kids and Sami)…fully expecting them to state reactions they could count on me to have, but not actually citing anything obsessive. Boy, was I wrong. Turns out, I get really pissy if the dishwasher isn’t loaded to my standard, have to have the towels folded a certain way (in thirds, of course…is there another way?), have to have my dishes and other kitchen items positioned a certain way, and am ‘very picky’ about how the house is cleaned. The funny thing, after they thought about it, they ended up agreeing I don’t necessarily have ‘obsessive issues’, but that simply put, I am a control freak. Without fail, I heard “you just always have to be in control”. I’ve always wondered why this, too, has a negative connotation. Who wants to be out of control? Why would I not want to be in control of my own life, surroundings and decisions? I’m even fine with the ‘freak’ label!
Evidently, I am not pleasant for hours before I travel and by the time we get on the road (when I’m then relaxed and in a good mood), I’ve put everyone else in a bad mood! Oh, and I always have to have my car detailed before a trip (no matter how long or short the trip, and no matter that after an hour of bug splattering, it’s pretty much reversed the clean appearance), and am grouchy if I don’t get it done. Doesn’t everyone love a nice clean car to travel in, no matter how dirty it comes back?
Anyway, thanks again for sharing. I literally just had the best laugh of my week, as I listened to how those I love and hold dearest view me. Good stuff, Miller.
Tracy Sullivan says:
Can I borrow Angela for about a week? Or maybe one day a week for the rest of my life?
I love to be in control of my life, but cleaning is definitely NOT high on my priority list.
Bill Dunn says:
I picked up a few OCD-type things that stem from being in the military…and most have to do with the “left-to-right, front-to-rear” way of doing things in the military.
1. All of my shoes are laced left string over right string.
2. I always step through a doorway or onto a staircase left foot first.
3. I always put on my left shoe/sock/pants leg first.
4. (Not related to the left-right thing) I ALWAYS squeeze the toohpaste from the bottom up – never from the middle.
Lance Hoffman says:
Very happy to see the post, Jason – great job. And from my limited but personal experience at the Miller home, EVERY WORD OF IT IS TRUE. I think it’s actually somewhat scary that when I first met Angela, in all her frenzied/cleaning glory, I felt an instant kinship, as I am (dare I say?) exactly the same way. Basically, in my home, I’m Angela, and Janis is Jason (OH BOY!). I actually go out of my way to restrain a bit from cleaning, because once I start, I really cannot stop.
I have learned to calm down a bit in my older (but still damn young) age, but growing up I definitely had a lot of OCD issues. Common enough were the cracks in the sidewalks. While I always tried to avoid stepping on them, if I DID happen to step on a crack in the sidewalk, say . . with my left foot, I HAD TO REPEAT THE ACT WITH MY RIGHT FOOT! Same thing went for if I banged my arm against a desk, or even braised it, when I didn’t mean to – I HAD TO do the same with my other arm, otherwise, well . . . I don’t really know what would have actually happened, but let’s just say the feeling of impending doom was too much to bear for me NOT to do it. I don’t feel the need to do this stuff to the same extent anymore, but if you were to watch me throughout the day (ethnographic research?), you might notice one of these little quirks taking place, although not to the extent of that guy with the glasses on BOSTON LEGAL!
I do the money thing down like Jason and Paul too, because it just makes sense, and all my coins do have to be face up when I stack them in the car, because why would I want them all upside down? – That just seems wrong. I have a reason for all these little things, as I’m sure Angela, Jason, Paul, and everyone else does, but the issue is that most people simply don’t need to do this stuff, and we are all very likely two phone calls away from being locked up!
Again, great job Jason. And to all others, if you happen to get an invitation to the Miller house, and happen to take a nap in the downstairs den on the couch, and wake up to Angela literally lifting your feet up and vacuuming underneath you, simply smile, say thank you, and ask her for the souffle recipe, which is simply fantastic!
Tracy Sanders says:
That was a great … Jason told me how Angela cleans right after someone dirties something glasses, coffee table etc., but I did not think it was to the extent as he described. That is before I had gone over to his house for a BBQ. I remember Angela cleaning the utensils, counters, everything right after everyone. His house was for sure one of the cleanest I have ever seen and I can see why.
As for OCD, ohhhhh, do I have several … several hundred that is … like Jason, Paul and Lance I also have to arrange my bills facing up and out including unfolding the corners if needed. However, I start with the largest then work to smallest. I have to do this every single time I receive bills and it has gotten so bad that when I receive change before I leave the register they have to be in the correct order. Unfortunately I think I have upset some people standing behind me making them wait, so I have had to learn to move to the side in order to finish arranging.
How about silverware, well, I just can’t have it thrown in the spot they are supposed to be in. Each fork, salad fork, big/small spoon, etc all have to be stacked neatly in their respective place, but if you open the utensil draw it’s a mess and it doesn’t bother me.
Here’s one for the OCD books, when I make sales calls or just talk on the phone for business, business only, I have to have silly putty to play with. I never knew there were so many different colors and types out there. It’s gotten so bad that I have a minimum of six silly putty eggs on hand at all time … I think this is more superstition than an OCD disorder. What’s really funny is the look I get from airport security when they search my bag to see what it is and realize I am carrying a ton of silly putty. I have been carrying it for so long I have even learned how to say it in Spanish, phonetically, Pla-sta-cena.
J.R. says:
88 – those who know….know.