Kids are the best. No I mean it. Yes, I realize that my kids will do things that I don’t appreciate like using a Swiffer to clean the outside of my car — nice idea but they left tons of scratches and frankly didn’t really clean the car.
A friend of ours (KW) came over for dinner Monday night and during the conversation said something very interesting. She said "just wait until Morgan is older. Let’s see how you handle that!" I thought about that for awhile and came to the realization that I might be in trouble.
Yes I love all my kids — a ton – but when she looks at me with those big blue eyes, I have this feeling I might give in more than I want to. I might just say yes a lot quicker than I will with her brothers. I wonder if I will dig a little deeper into my pocket for some money, give her the car keys or let her stay out later than her brothers.
I hope as the kids get older we have the same rules across the board, but I have no idea if that will really be the case. Because she is daddy’s little girl!
Even though she is too young to realize it, I am starting to feel it. As you are reading this you are probably understanding that I am the softy in the house. I think to some extent that is right. Maybe I will get a little tougher as I get older – ok probably not.
Ok help me out!
- How much trouble am I in?
- Do you give daddy’s little girl everything?
- What special things do you do with your daddy’s little girl?
I look forward to reading your comments.
P.S. Do I have to play dolls?
Betsy says:
Yes you have to play dolls and many other traditional “girl” games. My husband will kill me for sharing but he plays our daughter’s favorite game “Pretty Princess” with her regularly. The object is to win (and wear) all the jewels and the crown first. In fairness though he is teaching her how to play Tiger Woods golf on the Wii.
Stephenie Gordon says:
Merrill – Coming from a daddy’s little girl, i think it will be the exact opposite. You will want to be more protective and keep her more secure. The rules will be harder on her, and you will be leery of boy visitors. Granted she may get an extra $50 here and there, but she will also have to wear a steal chastity belt or get locked in a closet on weekends. you’ll see.
Patricia says:
You will probably play dolls and visit American Girl a few times! JC has had tea several times with Natasha and eaten quite a few “Easy Bake” brownies and cookies. (We are teaching her to use real recipes and real ovens now) The biggest day of all each year is coming up for them. They attend the Daddy/Daughter dance and have a wonderful time having dinner, dancing and having their picture made together. Natasha looks forward to it every year, more and more. I know JC will be sad once she outgrows those dances. She is definitely daddy’s little girl and I’m sure he will be hesitant to let her leave the house once she is reaches dating age!!
janet says:
I was definitely a Daddy’s girl. I learned to love spots from spending every Sunday watching golf and football with him. I could sit in his lap and charm him and even talk him into letting me put curlers in his hair and get a few extra bucks for something I wanted, but he was still tough on me, although maybe not as tough as he was on my brother. That’s because my mother made most of the rules and they were always a united front. I sure tried playing one off against the other but it never worked. It was always, “go ask your mother”.
Fee Sepahi says:
Hi Merrill,
I can truly relate to your dilemma and I will follow this one eagerly, as I have similar anxieties! Not being sure how old your daughter is, I did play dolls with my 10 year old, in exchange for having her help me in the garden, washing the car and such tasks! I thought it only fair and she was very eager to help.
I do see, now that she is growing, how much she cares about me being part of her life and how much she does things to be part of my life, especially since she lives with her mom and gets to see me for a few hours, almost every day and weekends. She does have me wrapped around her finger and I am the softy of the two parents, but also the “bad cop” when her mom can’t get her to do something.
Most recently she sent me a picture message on her phone and when her mom asked her not to do that as she had not gotten the data package for her phone, and I don’t have that on my personal phone, she called me a dozen times to say she was sorry that she sent me the pictures and despite all my assurances that it would be fine and we needed to work out a system for me to see the photos, it didn’t seem to alleviate her anxiety of upsetting the cart, if you will.
I know things will be much different as she grows and she matures and to the degree that I so enjoy the character she has been and is, I truly am looking forward to her grown up self and having mature dialogues with her and exploring what’s possible in her life.
Thank you for this insight.
Michael Mitrano says:
Hi, Merrill. You will toughen up a little in a few years, don’t worry. When my “little girl” used to run to the front door to greet me every evening like I had been gone for a month, I had the same feelings you have. (Doesn’t every little girl have a home-made Barbie house with ceramic tile and hardwood floors, and a Barbie shed for all all the Barbie things that don’t fit in the house?)
By the time reach the 13-14 stage and watch the practiced eye-roll to mom, replace the laundered cell phones, and see how well a skilled teen can needle a younger brother, I bet you’ll be on an even keel.
You are right — kids are the best. Why else would we do all this?
Ed Ledek says:
Merrill:
You’re not in “trouble” but you will do many “girl” type things…and love them!
It’s awesome!! Our one daughter is now 23 and we’re still very close. Yes, I’m wrapped around her finger but she has not been too obvious taking advantage of it over the years.
My approach was always to enjoy whatever age and such they were at — boy and girl. Let them be themselves and enjoy them. The time really, really does fly by. I don’t long for the daddy/daughter dances or the father/son campouts but I relish the experiences and memories of such. They will always cherish the time and interest you give them.
Looking back now, with a 23 and 20 year old… well, I’m glad I spent so much time with them. We remain close and do things together to this day. I love them for who they were, are and will become. I’m sure you do too!!
Christopher Dallion says:
I worry about it as much as you do. I work hard to be sure that my daughter will face the same rules as her brother because we really want to be fair. Yes, I do give in with her a little more but I think it may be more to do with the fact that she’s 2 and can throw an amazing tantrum – my head can only take so much.
She has learned that depending on what she wants she can give me the face, hold her little hands together under her chin and say “pretty please Daddy” to get things. I still refuse to give in to her every demand (so far). I had decided when she was born that I would lock my wallet in the safe and cancel my credit cards because I had a bad feeling that “please Daddy” would get me into some deep debts.
My little girl has already made Daddy color pictures with her, make her stuffed monkey talk to her, build things with her blocks (for her to knock down of course), play dolls, eat her “cooking” and have “tea” parties – luckily she doesn’t make me dress up for the parties. Her favorite thing to do is play chase or “Daddy come get me” – especially as soon as I get home from work. What’s a little cold dinner when your daughter is so excited to see you? Yes, I am wrapped around her little finger.
I won’t even get started on my fears of her growing up and liking boys – well, I will say that boys better be afraid and I’ve already decided she can’t date until she’s 30
debby says:
Merrill- you are definitely in for a ride. Daddy’s little girl is the most wonderful feeling for the daughter, myself being one, and for the daddy, so I am told. All of my life I looked up to my dad as though he was more special than any other being. It was not until I was an adult that I understood he was human like the rest of us. To this day, I smile just thinking about my Dad even though he has been gone for almost 8 years.
Being a mother of both a daughter and a son, I can tell you that moms and their sons have a very special bond just like dads and their daughters. Either way, parents and children are so lucky to have bonds that drive emotion to another level.
Lynn Stalone says:
Merrill -
Yes, you are in a world of hurt if you do not toughen up – but you will. Mine just turned 16 a week and a half ago, and you are correct that it gets tougher as they get older. I am fortunate that my daughter seems to have a good head on her shoulders and is quite logical and reasonable in her analysis of day-to-day life. For example, she thinks Paris Hilton is “a moron” and can’t see any good reason why people go to parties and drink, and her driving skills are improving, but she drives very slowly and methodically (she is not learning from me). I am not the softy in our family, but neither is her dad – she gave up on trying to sweet talk him years ago. Realistically, she is more likely to get something if she can bring a good argument to me for it and is willing to pony up some of her own money. She gets it. I am thankful. Somehow I am guessing yours will be the same. They really do look to their parents as examples.
HOWEVER… watching many of her friends, there seems to be a real tendency for them to becomes real daddy’s girls at this age. And, I am truly amazed at what some of these girls can get out of their dads. I’m not quite sure where the moms are weighing in… It bothers me a bit that they seem to be getting the hang of manipulation so early on. Again, I’m sure the family dynamics have a lot to do with this.
Yes, you should play with dolls if you are asked to do so now. You will never have this chance again. Sit down for the tea party with them if invited – it is a privilege.
It’s perfectly OK to be a softy now to a point, but be ready to draw the line – gently – when the time comes. The only other advice I can give you is to listen to your wife if she tells you that you are being too easy on your daughter – I have been told a couple times and I hate to say that my husband was correct on each occasion.
Danielle Blugrind says:
Well, here’s a POV from yet another daddy’s girl. My dad and I always got along, when I was a kid and until he died when I was 25. I always knew where I stood with him and often, yes, it was easier for me to get a little cash or get the keys to the car, compared to my brother. My mom called my dad out on that, and frankly he had never realized it and didn’t know why he was more willing to say “yes” to me – but he always was.
That said, my brother could get away with 10 times more bad behavior than I could. Dad might have given me extra cash, and a trip to Rome, and bought me a stereo system just on my saying it was nice… but if I stayed out too late or worried them with a boyfriend, forget about it. Something that MIGHT have resulted in my brother getting a talking-to (or not) got me in serious trouble.
I think we both learned to deal with it. It wasn’t “fair” but goodness, we are human beings, and it’s hard enough raising one child (I should know) let alone two who are always comparing and note-taking and counting everything you do for fairness. My parents tried to be “fair” and maybe that’s as close as it gets!
However, I never felt I was taking advantage of my dad. Maybe that comes from the respect that was built into the relationship. I didn’t get anything by demanding it or stamping my feet… I got it because he loved me and wanted to do nice things for me, and I was a good kid. Had I acted up, I guarantee I would have been in for a rude awakening.
Treat her right. Love her. Spoil her a little. But don’t ever let it go to her head or let her think that she can act however she wants and still get spoiled. If she respects you, I think you’ve got it made and have a great relationship to come for decades and decades.
Enjoy!
Keri Walsh says:
Love that I made the blog! : ) And yes I do believe you are in trouble!
P.S. As bad as the Swifer idea was, they meant well! And more importantly I was not in charge! haha : )
Bob Graham says:
Relax, Merrill. You are not in trouble and you are in for some of the greatest experiences of your life. I’ve never had a son, but I raised two daddy’s girls now 24 and 21. And they’re still Daddy’s Girls. (I call to the stand my first witness, Merrill Dubrow. Mr Dubrow, you have met my daughter Caitie, she has posted on the blog and sat next to you at Red Sox games. Can there be any doubt that she is Bob Graham’s daughter? And Mr Sugar, you have met both of my daughters on multiple occasions. What say you?)
Most of the posts seem to be from the girl’s point of view but the view from the male side is great too. Yeah, there were some Maalox moments during the teen years, but I always tried to adjust my discipline to the personality of the girl.
I can’t remember playing with dolls, but I do remember putting the Barbie Dream house together (and having to order missing parts from Mattel).
One of the things I love as a parent is sharing your passions and enthusiasms with your kids. They don’t always pick up on them (and that’s OK, you want them to be independent thinkers). When Evie was 4 we had a private ritual. A cookie company mad graham cracker cookies that were based on MLB teams. They were about the size of a silver dollar and the American League was chocolate and the National League was Vanilla and each cookie had the insignia of one of the teams. Whenever we would get a cookie with the Yankee insignia, we would crush it in our hands before eating it. SO one day, I’m at work and my wife is home with Evie and gives her a cookie. Its a Yankee cookie and she says she doesn’t want it. My wife tells her there’s nothing wrong with it and to eat it. She crushes the cookie and is sent to time out for being disobedient. When I get home, I find out about the incident and explain the ritual to my wife. She is not pleased (Typically when I tell this story to women they say “That’s terrible, you’re sending out mixed signals”; and when I tell the story to men they say “Way to go, you’re raising her right”, but I digress0.
Caitie has a very quick wit and catches on to my jokes quicker than anyone else in the family (including my brothers and their families). We have developed a hand sign (pointing our fingers at each other) as our way of saying “the others haven’t caught on yet”. We also reference favorite punch lines and scenes from favorite movies and TV shows (like Chef’s father on SOuthPark warning against the Loch Ness Monster wanting to borrow $3.50–we crack each other all the time–I know you’re probably saying “What????” I guess you had to be there).
What I love about being the father of Daddy’s Girls is the trust they place in you and the way they come to you for help. Building the Barbie Dream House; cheering them up after losing a soccer game (God, how I miss those games!). Helping them start on the road to life. Seeing them become independent, but knowing deep down inside we are still there for each other and seeing a part of yourself in them. There’s nothing like it.
Ed Sugar says:
I know if Bob had a say in the matter 20 some odd years ago, he would have preferred having two boys; a left hander with a 90 MPH fastball and a 6-7 forward with a sweet shot from the corner.
But Catie and Evie have turned out to be even better than those wishful pipe dreams.
Merrill Dubrow says:
Bob,
Thanks for responding. Catie is great – yes I have enjoyed meeting her and discussing baseball in Arlington. She is a terrific girl – you guys have done a great job. For the record you get extra points for making sure she is a Red Sox fan!
Stay warm.
Merrill
Bob Graham says:
Ed, you really nailed it my friend!
Merrill, thanks for the compliments. I am reminded here of Boston-based folk singer John Lincoln Wright, who wrote a tribute to his father that includes the lines:
“He made fans of all of us,
As only fathers can…”
Merrill Dubrow says:
First of all great comments!
Ok I must admit something to all of you. I got home last night after being away for a few days and after I said hello to everyone my little girl had me doing ballet with her. No I am not that flexible at all and almost ripped a hamstring but I did the best I could and had a blast!
Still not sure about playing dolls or putting on makeup but who knows I might just do that as well!
Merrill
Merrill Dubrow says:
Last night I arrived home form work to find my beautiful daughter entertaining me with a fashion show. The show involved trying on and modeling three new bathing suits – this was priceless! To watch her walk down a make believe runway and spin and turn for the audience was terrific.
Thanks Morgan!
With Love Daddy.
Bob Graham says:
I’m resurrecting this old thread to relate a new story about one of my Daddy’s Girls:
A few weeks ago, I was in NY for a business trip that ended on a Friday. I extended my stay over the weekend so that I could spend some time with my daughter, Evie, who is now working and living on Long Island as a Personal Banker for Chase.
Evie had to work on Saturday, so her boyfriend Joe (a Mets fan)and I went into the City Saturday morning. Evie planned to meet us there after 4:00.
I chose a place I had read about on Second Ave and 14th St called Professor Thom’s (http://www.professorthoms.com/professorthoms.html). I had never been to the place before, but had heard about it. You see, Professor Thom’s is not just any ordinary sports bar; it’s a Red Sox bar, deep in the heart of enemy territory. It is indeed a wonderful establishment:
Red Sox memorabilia and 17 widescreen TVs all over the place (every booth has its own small widescreen TV); Celtics, Patriots and UMASS banners behind the bar. Suffice it to say, if there’s a sports bar in heaven, it looks just like Professor Thom’s.
Joe and I went to the bar and ordered the brunch special. I struck up a
conversation with the manager about Boston and UMASS and he bought us a drink. We were on our third beer when we looked up at the TV screen. The Sox weren’t on (they were playing the evening game), but the Yankees were and they were losing. Then (Yankee pitcher) C.C. Sabathia gave up a double to (LA Angel outfielder) Torii Hunter that scored two runs and made the Angel’s lead even wider.
And there in the light of the TV, surrounded by Red Sox memorabilia, knowing that the Sox led the American League East and the Yankees were losing and sitting directly across from the UMASS banner behind the bar, Joe asked for my permission to marry Evie. How could I refuse?
Never underestimate the value of knowing the right time to ask…
Merrill Dubrow says:
Bob,
CONGRADS! Great story – thanks so much for sharing! enjoy planning a wedding.
Merrill