Sometimes by doing nothing and just looking around I can find a good topic for a blog. Last week was no different. As I was pumping gas, a car pulled up alongside of me and the driver got out. The person was maybe 25 and the passenger stayed in the car. As they started to pump gas I started to think that is really odd. The person who was pumping the gas was a female, while the male (no idea if it was her brother, boyfriend) sat in the car listening to music. I was kind of — no strike that — I was VERY surprised. Maybe it is me but I think the guy — the male — should always pump gas. Maybe I am old-fashioned but that is just the way I feel.
I started to think about this a little more and gave some thought to what other stuff am I old-fashioned about. Here are a few others:
- When I am walking with a female I will always be on the outside or closest to the curb. This way if a car is out of control it hits me first.
- I will always wait until everyone is served before I start eating my meal.
- I will hold the door for lots of people: males, females, strangers — it doesn’t really matter. I will try and do this all the time.
- I always will allow the lady to walk first into a restaurant, sporting event or concert.
Here are a few things I don’t do:
- I don’t always stand up when a female leaves the table. Should I?
- I don’t open the car door often for females. I wonder if I don’t do this because over time it is less expected. Maybe since everyone is in a hurry?
Now your turn:
- Hey guys, what do you do?
- Ladies, what would you like guys to do?
- Because everyone is in a hurry do you think men have less manners now than they have had in the past?
I look forward to reading your comments.
Stephenie Gordon says:
I am not sure if men have less manners than they do in the past because they are in a hurry, i think it’s because over time they haven’t been passed down from their own fathers.
I think everything you do is perfect and needs to continue. Just the other day i saw a young man opening the car door for his, i assume, girlfriend, it was SO NICE and i pointed it out to my husband, though i don’t expect it anymore. On the first couple of dates i think it makes a lasting impression and can slowly decrease overtime as you get more comfortable as a couple.
Also, i believe holding the door for ANYONE that is behind you is extremely important and if a man and woman enter a building together the man should open the door. It irks me when the person in front of me just lets the door slam behind them without taking the 5 seconds to hold it for me. It’s just plain rude.
But the most important manners to me are table manners. No elbows on the table, no talking with your mouth full. Absolutely do not answer or play on your cell phone while at the dinner table, you should be 100% committed to the people you are sitting with. Do not be rude to the wait staff. As you said Merrill, make sure everyone is served before you begin to eat. Napkin in your lap. Chew with your mouth closed. Do not reach across the table! Do not criticize, turn up your nose, or look disgusted at someone else’s meal because it does not appeal to you. I could go on and on. I think these rules are forgotten mainly by men, but by some women as well.
Bad table manners leave a very bad taste in my mouth.
Christine Cook says:
Agree with all. My thing is business manners and especially cell phone. I say through a one hour lunch with one of the top Ad Agency owners in Denver and he was looking down at his phone, checking and sending e-mail the whole time. His two Junior staff that were two females in their late 20’s did the same thing. It was awful and I was completely offended by this. I told my Junior level staff person who is 24 that she should never and will never while employed at Ingather behave like this. She shared that she too was very offended and not to ever worry about her doing it. If you can’t live without your phone for a one hour lunch with friends, family, colleagues, clients….this is sad in our book!
I also can’t stand the driver who is on the cell phone not paying attention and darn near causes and accident.
I have a book on business etiquette in the client viewing room
.
Tracy Sullivan says:
Let’s add to the manners list – remembering to say “Thank You” when someone DOES do something nice for you. Two easy words reinforce good behavior!
Tana Rubley says:
THE NUMBER ONE MANNER EVERYONE SHOULD HAVE IS CHEWING WITH THEIR MOUTH CLOSED!!! I think this is the most important thing every parent should teach their children (along with whining). Besides this…
I have to agree with Stephanie on the table manners section, it seems like a lot of “don’t dos” but it really just comes down to people being polite. There is one that I must add to the table manners list and that is taking your hat off while eating (especially in a restaurant). As far as standing up when a lady gets up, you really don’t see it happen that much, especially in California, so to me the proper place to do it would be in a nice restaurant or if you are out with someone you are trying to impress (a client, date, etc.) otherwise people will look at your weird and ask you where you are going.
The last guy that I “officially” dated use to open the car door for me all the time, without even thinking of it. I somewhat got use to because the guys that I have dated since then don’t stand a chance with me because they don’t do it. I laugh because, Merrill, you said that the guy should always pump the gas… I feel that way about driving! If he knows his way around, he should do the driving whether we take his car or mine.
One compliment that I always get when I am out with anyone is that I always offer to pay for at least my portion of the bill. People usually appreciate this and it seems like they want to take you out more. I just don’t know where the line is to when it becomes offensive or if it does when you keep going out with the same people who always insist on paying.
There is nothing better when you see people with proper manners because I see it as a respect issue and knowing how to take care of your neighbors. In fact, I have tried to set up etiquette classes here at the Country Club I work for (too bad we don’t have a younger membership). I think manners go a long way in life and you will notice that they are contagious.
Don Y says:
I agree with the other posts; manners are important.
Personally, I wasn’t raised in a way that stressed table manners beyond not talking with food in your mouth and not having your elbows on the table.
When you only have ONE fork beside your plate…you don’t struggle with which one is the salad fork, etc. And which glass is yours well, the one in front of you of course! It’s not like we had 2 or three?
Okay, I have picked up some of the finer points. This came through (1) observation, (2) listening and (3) having a kind person explain some of them to me, for which I am grateful.
If I’m in the presence of someone who speaks with their mouth full I oftentimes will wait until they are finished and ask them to repeat themselves. Or, if it’s someone I know well, I’ll answer them in a garbled mumble I know they will find impossible to understand…just to make a point. (this would be in a private setting, not in public)
I usually open doors for people I’m with, as well as nearby people who might be about to go through the same door; whether behind me, or oncoming foot traffic. It’s just common courtesy.
Car doors can be more challenging it seems to me. If I’m walking my fiance` to the car she sometimes reaches the car first and opens her own door. When this happens I’ll still hold it open as she enters the car, and I close it for her.
Other times, because I’m usually letting her have the lead in a parking lot for example, she reaches the door first. If she’d hesitate I’d gladly open the door for her. But it takes me an extra second or two to get in position (because I’m behind her) and if she opens the door first…well…the opportunity is lost.
Further; saying “please” and “thank you” are all-too-often overlooked.
As the saying goes…”Common courtesy is…UNcommon!”
Kelly Heatly says:
I think many traditional manners have become obsolete as our society has become less formal and men and women more equal/independent.
I do like when men walk behind you, let you through a door first, etc. The gesture is nice because men are often taller/stronger, and I don’t mind the feeling of “protection.”
I do not think it’s necessary to stand up when a woman leaves the table — very formal and old-fashioned, not in a good way. However, I think it’s polite for everyone to stand up when a new person approaches the table, enters the room, etc. to introduce yourselves and shake hands.
The most common manners “no-no” I see: not giving up a seat for elderly, pregnant, or disabled. It’s appalling how many young men and women don’t do this!
Merrill Dubrow says:
Kelly,
I agree with you 100%! Every man should give his seat up for a women, someone elderly or disabled. No question about it. And if they don’t shame on them.
Merrill
Amy Shields says:
All time “must” from a guy….when I’m cold (which if often), offer me your coat!
Merrill Dubrow says:
Amy,
Another good one – thanks for sharing.
Merrill
Ken says:
Okay, I just have to chime in on the whole door opening thing. I always open the door for any woman I’m with. But how in the world do you handle the dreaded “double door” scenario. You know, you open the first door, the lady walks in. Then are you suppose to run around her really fast and get the next door (assuming no one has come up and you have to still hold the first door for them). Is the lady suppose to open the second door herself…heaven forbid…luckily my wife is pretty handy with doors so she’ll get that dang ole second door…what a gal!
malcolm williamson says:
Aways show people more style than they’re showing you. Be mindful and always have a sense of humor. There is no re-wind on life and I have yet to meet a senior who has ever said, ‘I wish I would have worked more or had less fun.’
As far as the manners of the sexes. I’m old school. If you’re a woman and you’re with me, you will have your door opened, your chair pulled out and your tab paid. That’s just me.
God gave us two ears and one mouth. Talk half as much as you listen. That’s good etiquette.